May The Best Mechnic Win
by robynrtr
Summary: Jacob and Rosalie are fighting so much that Alice gets fed up. To stop the battle, she holds a contest. Who will win? Rosalie? Jacob? One-shot.


**Disclaimer: Twilight is all SM's, not mine. **

May the Best Mechanic Win

"Mutt!"

"Blondie!"

"Mongrel!"

"Bloodsucker!"

"Oh," Rosalie gasped. "You did not just call me that!"

"What if I did?" Jacob spat.

"Then get ready to die!" Rosalie screeched.

Rosalie plunged at Jacob. He held her back.

"Ugh!" Alice groaned, collapsing onto the coach. "Shut up already, please!"

She was ignored. Rosalie and Jacob just kept on fighting. She'd finally had enough.

"Stupid blond—"

"Shut up!" Alice screamed, holding them apart. "Settle this already!"

"As soon as he apologizes!" Rosalie spat.

"Oh, now I have to apologize to you?" Jacob screamed in Alice's ear. Even if she was a vampire, it still hurt.

"I said, SHUT UP!" Alice screamed, finally losing her temper. "We will settle this like civilized creatures!" She said. She didn't want to use human, because they weren't human.

"Civilized?" Jacob laughed mockingly. "Rosie is anything but that!"

"Is that so—?" Rosalie began.

"Must I repeat myself?" Alice asked, offended. "Now, listen. We will have a contest. The loser will be the winner's servant for the rest of the week." Jacob and Rosalie were bickering so loud that they didn't hear what Alice had to say next. "Shut it!"

The rest of the family stepped into the room. Emmett was grinning, as usual. Edward was suppressing a smile while Bella looked at us like crazy people. Esme looked worried and Carlisle was calm… as usual. Jasper just looked confused by the emotions of anger, humor, curiosity and

Rosalie and Jacob were still fighting. "Edward," Alice nodded. He knew what to do, for he read her mind. "Go." Edward ran out of the house and to the dump, where he got the cars for the contest.

"Okay, okay!" Alice practically screamed, finally grabbing their attention. "We will be holding a contest of who can fix cars faster and better. Rules: 1) You can't sabotage, you can insult, but no touching the other's car. 2) Winner gets gloating rights. 3) You must make do with the materials you are provided with. 4) Rose, no vampire speed," She glanced at Rosalie, who looked down. "And last, you will stay on other sides of the garage, no going beyond the line I will write."

Just then, a tow truck pulled up, towing three beat-up cars. "Why are there three cars, Alice?" Esme asked. Alice started to explain, but no one—even the vampires—could here her over the screams of Rosalie and Jacob.

"Jacob, Rosalie, you can change if you like." Alice said. Rosalie ran upstairs to her and Emmett's room and changed, but Jacob remained there. "Why aren't you changing?"

"Because I can do it in these clothes," Jacob grinned as Alice eyed his white t-shirt and khaki shorts. He wore sandals. "And beat blondie."

Alice rolled her eyes and skipped to the phone and dialed a number. She whispered into the phone so no one could hear her. After a few more minutes of silent conversation, she hit the off button and danced back to Jasper.

"Who was that?" Jasper asked.

"Someone," Alice said. "You'll see."

He nodded. Just then, Rosalie skipped down the stairs—in a tiny red tank-top and even tinier jean shorts with —right into Emmett's arms.

"Okay, to the garage!" Alice declared.

As they stepped into the garage, the fist thing they saw were two battered up cars, one black and the other white. On each side, there were toolboxes with the basic thing or whatever.

"Alice, I thought there were three cars?" Esme asked. Once again, Alice started to explain, but got cut off by Rosalie and Jacob's bickering… again.

"SHUT UP!" She screamed, hopefully for the last time. "Now, go to your cars. Jacob, yours is on the left. Rose, yours is on the right." Alice said, pointing to the cars on either side of the garage. "By the way," she added. "You can coach, though I doubt any of you know any of you know much about cars, or any at all."

Jacob circled the white car, looking at what he could probably do. Rosalie stood beside the black car, looking sure of herself.

When they looked sure about what they were going to do, Alice screamed, "Go!" and they went to work. They both were working fast.

"Connect that thingy to the other thingy, Rose!" Emmett cheered.

"Do you even know what 'that thingy' and 'the other thingy' are, Em?" Rosalie asked, still bending over her car.

Emmett looked down. "N-no," He said.

"Exactly," Rosalie said. "Now just stand there and look cute."

Emmett took a step back, embarrassed.

The battle between the two got heated. Rosalie was half-way to vampire speed, but not quite, so it wasn't counted. Jacob practically has his face buried in the engine of his car. They kept flinging insults at each other the whole way through. The battle lasted twenty minutes so far. Whirring sounds filled the building and you could practically feel the heat coming off the torches. Most of them cheered for Rosalie, but Esme and Bella cheered for both.

At the twenty-five minute mark, there was a dinging sound coming from the back of the garage.

"Oh!" Alice said. "We have a winner!"

Jacob and Rosalie looked at each other, confused. "_Winner?_" Both Jacob and Rosalie roared. _Aren't we the only ones in this competition?_ Thought Rosalie.

"Well, if you paid enough attention, you would have figured it out." Alice explained. She whistled and something came out from the shadows. "Everyone, meet Energizer Bunny, Energizer Bunny, everyone," She introduced. The oversized bunny waved his hand at everyone. They were all confused—except for Edward, of course. "Bunny, would you please show us your car?"

The bunny stepped back into the shadows. A few seconds later, there was the sound of an engine roaring. Energizer Bunny drove the car into the light so everyone could see the grey car he fixed up. It was rusty, yes, but it runned.

"Wha—?!" Jacob said in surprise. He never—and I mean _never_—saw this coming.

"How come I couldn't smell him?" Rosalie asked.

"Car oil." Alice replied coolly.

"How come I couldn't see him?"

"Its pitch black, no one can see, not even vampires."

Rosalie slumped into the nearest chair, regretting she ever joined this contest.

The bunny started hopping up and down. "He's happy the two of you will be his servants for the next four days." Alice interpreted, but then added, "Oh, and he really needs to pee. Go, Bunny!"

The Energizer Bunny hopped outside and to the nearby forest.

The family still looked confused. "There's one thing I don't understand," Emmett said.

"Emmett," Alice laughed. "There are a _lot_ of things you don't understand."

"True," Emmett agreed. "But, Alice, how did you get hold of that bunny?"

"Easy," She grinned. "Bunny and I are great friends. Why do you think I'm so hyper all the time?" Alice started hopping up and down like a bunny.

"Oh, I can tell." Jacob murmured.

"What!" Alice screamed, lunging at Jacob. "You will pay for that, mutt!"

"Oh, yeah, pixie?"

"Yes, fuzzie!"

I would go into that story, but it's far too long to put here, so I shall skip to the epilogue.

_**May the Best Mechanic Win**_

_**Epilogue**_

So there they were, Rosalie, massaging an overgrown bunny's head and Jacob, feeding that same bunny grapes. They were both humiliated, for Energized Bunny told them to wear maid uniforms, even, Jacob.

Jacob's tanned, hairy legs stood out. They both looked utterly ridiculous. It didn't help that the Cullens were recording everything and Emmett was going to post it on YouTube. An evil plan to get beck at Emmett was already hatching in her head. Edward laughed, and everyone thought he was a lunatic, except for Alice, who was laughing her head off, too. She had already 'seen' it.

"Emmett, I'm going to kill you." Rosalie growled. Emmett, taking this threat seriously—as he should have—ran out of the house with Rosalie hot on his heals. A chase pursued. What a classic Cullen family moment.

**Okay, so this is my first story since I deleted that other one out of writers block (no, Ate Meg, the one that I am writing does NOT count, I ain't publishing it). So if you want to read the story of the Alice-vs.-Jacob battle, REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! Repeat reviews do NOT count. Ate Meg, Nikki, I am sorry, your reviews don't count either. **

**Personal message to Ate Meg: IDEAS MUCH-O APREICIATED. **


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